Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Debtors say the darnest things: a few of the things i have been told & how i have actually replied to them... (yeah yeah yeah - i'm a bitch i know)

you debt collectors are the scum of the earth
thats right - and considering you owe US money it puts you below us scum of the earth on the food chain mate

you have such a sexy voice - you should be a phone-sex girl
i already am - this job is all about screwing people out of their money over the phone

i got it wrong okay! So sue me!
um, yeah, okay - i sorta already am...

you'll never get the money coz you'll never find me (this was actually a local celebrity)
you present the news LIVE every night - its not too hard to find the studio you know

do you know who i am? (self important git!)
yeah, the idiot who didn't pay their repayments and who's car i am repossessing

you can't get blood out of stone
ahhh you're right - good thing i'm not a vampire... i don't need blood - i'm a debt collector - i'll just take the stone's car & garnish it's wages

i know my rights - i wanna speak to my lawyer (someone who watches WAY too many cop shows)
thats nice - i'm not arresting you - though i would appreciate it if you took up the right to remain silent and just paid the money

what are you gonna do, take the shirt off my back? (when explaining what we were listing on a goods seizure & sale warrant)
if its any of the Gucci or channel shirts - yep. they'll be coming with me too.

i'm the customer - don't you know the customer is always right
that's exactly right - my customer is always right. thank you for showing that you understand the matter, especially as my customer is ____bank and you are my debtor.... good to hear you admit to the debt and are willing to defend the banks actions in bringing in a debt collector

i'm gonna call you everyday and make your life hell for being a debt collector
ok sir. now just to clarify something, you work as a car sales man at ____ don't you? cool - coz i'm gonna call you every day and make YOUR life hell for being a dodgy car sales rep... whats good for the goose is good for the gander after all

don't you have any sympathy for me?
the only place you're gonna find sympathy is in the dictionary between shit & syphillis

sorry i missed the payment - christmas sorta snuck up on me this year
really? that's strange = last i heard christmas was on the same day for the last 2000 years!!! i didn't know it had decided to pick up and move around this year... you might wanna be careful if christmas is doing that - easter might jump you in a back alley next year...
i thought i'd share a few little ancedotes with you... these are a just select few of the thousands that i now have from working in collections. of course the standard waiver - all names have been changed to protect the debtors identity, and these are EXACT quotes - but pretty close to it:

Me = , _____ speaking.
DTR = sorry did you say this is ?
Me - yes it is. what can i do for you? (didn't i just say the company name?)
DTR = I don't know if you can help me. is there anyone there who can?
Me - i'm sure i'll be able to help with anything you need. as i said my name is _____ and i'm a senior agent here.
Dtr = um okay... i have this debt. i want to set up an arrangment to pay it off over time.
Me - okay then. i should be able to do that for you. can i ask who i'm speaking to please?
Dtr = um, i don't give out my personal information to strangers. how do i know you're not going to use it to access my bank accounts
Me = sir, i can assure you that we at maintain the best standards in privacy regulations and confidentiality. i will need to know who i am speaking to though so that i can access your file
Dtr = oh okay. my name is joe bloggs. (it actually was something that common)
Me - thank you joe, do you have our letter in front of you?
Dtr = yes
Me = on the top left hand side in bold lettering is the amount and our reference number starting with a 4 then a 6. can you read it out to me please
Dtr = there's no reference number here
Me = there will be - right under the words dear sir
Dtr = nope no reference number. it actually says hi joe, not dear sir
Me (that ain't one of our letters!) = what is the name of the company at the top of the letter? (maybe one of our 13 subsidery's???)
Dtr =
Me = okay - you need to call that company then. its nothing to do with
Dtr = but i need to pay it
Me = i know joe, so you need to contact
Dtr = why can't i just pay it to you?
Me = because you don't owe the money to us, so you don't need to pay us. have a good day joe (trying in vain to finish the call)
Dtr = why didn't you say that you were
Me = i mentioned the name of this company several times during the start of the call. you even asked if you'd called and i confirmed you had
Dtr = yeah but you didn't say you weren't starting screaming like a girl at this point

Okay - so here's where i did the standard debt collector thing and just hung up on him...

seriously - i do wonder how some people pass kindergarten let alone hold a job long enough to take out a few grand in loans and credit cards....